Hey! Guess what? I'm a girl hopelessly trying to learn about football. The NFL season is about to start (tomorrow night to be exact with the Packers vs. the Saints) and I've decided that this is the season I'm going to really educate myself.
I grew up knowing only 2 things about football as a middle school cheerleader: you get 4 downs to try and go 10 yards, a touchdown is worth 6 points, and you can score an extra point by kicking a field goal afterward. OK, make it 3 things. The cheerleading coach decided that the dads needed to educate us about the inner workings of the game when we began to mess up the offense & defense cheers (Need I mention I'm also a blonde?). My mother decided to host the grand event in our backyard and my Dad thought it would be a good idea to have a scrimmage so we could really put our new found knowledge to the test. Needless to say it ended with a lot of shouting, eye rolling, sighing, and 12 year old girls prancing around our yard. I tried, but I was a middle school ballerina/cheerleader and clearly had more important things on my mind.
My second experience with football was when I went to USC for grad school. The Pac-10, oh how you have changed me! In a grad program that only spanned 2 years, I spent an entire year watching college football every Saturday. My 1st year I had no idea what all the fuss was about. But then we won the national championship in 2004 and my new roommate told me about how tailgating really meant it was socially acceptable to start drinking at 10am and eat bacon-wrapped hot dogs. Because I had gone to a small Division 3 liberal arts college with a strong hippie population I had no idea about big time collegiate sports. My college idea of a good time on a Saturday morning was waking up and taking a hit off my friend's bong, then going to In n Out and trying to talk about the value of unions. (Just kidding Mom & Dad, I meant to say that I sat on the mounds and engaged in deep philosophical discourse and read books. Thanks for the tuition money.) So from Fall 2005 until January 2006 I would wake up, don cardinal & gold, party my face off, then watch some football. My football knowledge began to expand: Matt Leinart, Reggie Bush, and the Spirit of Troy marching band. I also know the So-Cal Spellout. I'm still committed to the Trojans, but we got a bit of a blow with all the NCAA sanctions. Reggie, why did you have to eff it up for the rest of us?! I've still managed to attend all but 1 of our Homecoming games since I've graduated and I'm not planning on stopping. (the 1 year I didn't go I was living on the east coast & had to watch the game in NYC. But my brother-in-law was an awesome super fan & I have the photo to prove it.) Plus I can still claim bragging rights as I was actually attending the school when we won our last national championship.
But 2011 is the year where I'm really going to get it! The technical aspects I mean. I'm reading The Blindside, I've signed up for my office's Yahoo Pro Football Pick 'Em league, and I live with a die-hard Steelers fan. When my boyfriend and I moved in together I actually inherited Steelers memorabilia, including 2 commemorative Superbowl football trophies! Thanks to my ex-boyfriend, a Chargers fan, I learned enough about the NFL to woo my current (and exponentially better) honey. I knew I had him when I did the amazing bar trick of listing all 32 NFL teams by name & city. But did he call my bluff? Only our first season together would tell.
Fall 2010: I used all my feminine charms to disguise my football ignorance. I watched the games with him & asked questions in a cutesy voice, I exploited my graduation from USC, I brought him to a USC homecoming game, I learned the names of the Steelers' head coach & main players, and I arranged a bet between him and my father during the Bears vs. Steelers game. I even tried to keep up with my co-workers and drew a bracket for the playoffs.
But it's 2011, we've been living together for 6 months, and I want his ass to marry me. Just kidding, LOL! I just want to know more about what I'm going to be watching for the next 16 weeks (not including the play offs). Plus, learning about football now could lead to a proposal by Hines Ward in the future.
Why do I need to write a blog about this? Isn't this just another desperate girl who just turned 30 and lives Southern California trying to look cool for her boyfriend? Um, no. First of all, my boyfriend will read this and laugh at me. And I'm also planning on inviting his family and my family to read it, which equals lame-o. And I just turned 30, so shouldn't I be really interested in learning new things just for the hell of it? I thought that's what 30 year olds do! Why shouldn't I attempt to learn about the blitz, the history of the game, what the hell those ESPN guys are talking about? Football has everything I'm already interested in: illegitimate children, crime, hot dudes, football wives, and ridiculous amounts of money. In short, gossip & drama. But I need to bring it up to the next level. As I told my man last night: "Hey, these guys really have to know a lot. They're not just running around the field." To which he replied, "Um, yeah!". He also corrected me tonight and said that Reggie Bush is no longer playing for the New Orleans Saints. If I had known that earlier I would have picked the Packers to win in my office league instead!
So get ready for me to unleash upon the world my new knowledge! A majority of it may just come from sitting on the couch, watching ESPN and asking my boyfriend questions. If I'm feeling really motivated I might just look on the Internet or in a book for deeper answers. Don't let this blog mislead you...I am not attempting to make football understandable to women. Women are smart enough and don't need me (or anyone else) to dumb anything down for them. It's just that I'm horribly sports-illiterate and have a lot of things to learn about football, plus I have lady parts. Boo-yeah!
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